Two papers. One by tomorrow at 9am. One by Tuesday at 2pm. Then, it's smooth sailing until finals.

On June 1, I will move into my new apartment at Euclid & Hilgard, which I will share with Matteo, Max, Andrew, and Andrew's friend Morgan. It is in an older, rather nice (and spacious) duplex. The other half of the duplex is occupied by Ethan and his friends. On the other side of us is James and Peter's apartment. We are planning a concert series of 'art music' from 1600-present. The idea is to take it out of the original context, and perform it in an inexpensive, vibrant, energetic setting: i.e., the college party. I will have my own large bedroom, facing northward (which is what I wanted, after getting too much sun this year) and with a nice view of the bay.

In June, I am taking Medical Ethnobotany to fulfill my Life Sciences requirement. I will also be attending the Berkeley Festival [of Early Music], and trying to read as much as possible. In July, I would like to go to first Vancouver and then Boston for music classes, but it's possible I won't get accept/won't have the money. If this is the case, I will stay in Berkeley and try to find a job.

Moustache sound-checked tonight at Zellerbach, and it was invigorating. I'm excited to play for the full house. It's a bit daunting, too. If anyone wants to buy tickets, I have some. $5.

Things got complicated.

But school is going amazingly well, somehow.

This weekend, I think I might be able to study and practice as much as I need to.

I really want to go to Vancouver this summer, and I really want to go to Royal Holloway in a year and a half.

Normally, if I stood back and gauged how far along I am on the paper I'm trying to write currently, I would come to the conclusion that I was pulling my usual paper binge. But, I've been researching very hard for the last 4 days, and I spent hours mapping the contrapuntal structure of one movement only to decide I wanted to write on a different movement. Good choice, right?

I feel so dedicated to school right now, and yet it also seems to be slipping slightly out of my grasp. This week I have a 10+ page paper (really more like 15+, counting the other components) due Tuesday for Bach, exams each day in French Wednesday through Friday, and the usual daily test in Musicianship. Harmony homework, which is usually my "fun hour," is going to get half-assed, unfortunately. It all is, really. I'm not even thinking about Comparative Literature right now. It doesn't exist. Well--except for the fact that Tonal Allegory in the Vocal Music of J.S. Bach draws heavily on critical theory. Which I am enjoying.

And that's what this whole thing comes down to: I'm having fun learning all of this, but it's taking a very massive toll, and I don't know how I will finish any of it.

I worked so damn hard for my Musicianship Practical. It paid off: I got a high A-, and I know that was a good grade (practicals are really difficult). I think my Comp. Lit. essay suffered, but writing is something with which I'm very comfortable. It's music where I need to put in the most work. For the first time since sophomore year of high school, I am working very hard all the time and it's really paying off in terms of how much I'm getting from my classes. I've learned so much already this semester.

After I woke up from my nap I went to Moe's and got Audrey's birthday present. Then I dropped it off.

Something died. Suddenly and unexpectedly. Is it the result of dedicating myself so thoroughly all day long to one thing? I'm not sure. Strange things have been afoot in my psyche. I had a vivid nightmare in which my father died. I'm still reeling from that feeling.

The weather is building up to something. Something big.

I can't believe how good my brother Jonny's new album is. It is spectacular.

Waiting for the F to take me to the practice rooms, I watched an innocent-looking couple play. I wanted their happiness to be something I could touch. Something I could feel.

Criticism is the best shelter. Analysis is the best tool of the blank palette.

Tonight was the most beautiful evening I've experienced (and yes, I think this is the correct verb) in a very long time. It began when I napped until just before sunset and, realizing that sunset was approaching very rapidly, I threw clothes on, grabbed a Trader Joe's Bag (intending to shop after catching the sunset), and went up to the lookout. The view was extremely clear, so much so that it seemed I could almost make out the lights in the city turning on as the sun sank into the ocean. I feel a solidarity with the world when it looks like this. It's as if nature is cooling my burning emotions, nurturing them, bringing them to maturity. I can't translate the visual metaphor very well, at least in the terms of the emotional calm that it seems to give me.

I've been writing much more, lately. Slowly. Slowly squeezing the words out of the page. Remembering is becoming a process of inventing. Inventing is becoming a process of self-discovery. Self-discovery is leading to new levels of awareness.

After the Sather lecture (which I enjoyed--it's very relevant to all the things I want to study) I went straight to the practice rooms and practiced for an hour, which meant that I was still there after the building has closed. That was a little eerie.

But the walk to the bus was gorgeous. The breeze was strong and powerful. Protective.

And now I am home. Somehow, miraculously, marvelously, filled with hope.

But they're all in a completely different sea, the bait doesn't work, and even the most colorful aren't nearly as magnificent.

Movies:
18. Lady Jane (1986)
19. Bride & Prejudice (2004): eh.

Because I only take French to get to the upper division classes eventually and to use it for future musical/literary studies, and because I don't do much of the work anyway (but still do just fine), I'm switching it to Pass/No Pass. This gives me a lot of room to spend more time working on my music stuff, which currently needs more work than I'm putting in. It will allow me to miss French more often to practice Musicianship exercises before class.

I'm taking 23 units. I'm allowed to switch a class that I don't really need to be taking to P/NP, right? Right.

I am getting some sick sort of masochistic pleasure out of the fact that I spent at least 6 solid hours preparing my Musicianship homework for tomorrow, and it still wasn't perfect.

I began writing what would have been the longest Livejournal post I've ever written, in an attempt to explain everything that is happening in my life. This would mostly be for my benefit. And I will probably do it soon. But I couldn't finish it yet.

I haven't been keeping good track, but movies:

15. Molière (2007)
16. Fauteuils d'orchestre (2006)
17. Les deux anglaises et le continent (1971)

I just declared the Music major. I continue to find this fact severely shocking.

I got permission to take 23 units. Excellent. Sort of.

I might have to switch viola teachers.

Carla is looking at the bows today, although I'm pretty sure that I've made a decision and know which I will buy.

12. Love on the Run (1979)
13. La nuit américaine (1973)
14. The Prestige (2006)

Bought an umbrella and a parka. Now I am hyper-prepared. Borrowed $1000 worth of viola bows from Ifshin for the week. Now I have to decide which one I want to buy.

Prof. Moroney offered to be my Major Advisor. This is good news.

I'm quickly broke again. This is bad news. Now to homework--

I've no idea who in my Bach class asked this question. The rest of it was even funnier, in context--although I did feel a little bad laughing.

I think I've been listening to new music, but all I can remember is

9. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver: I'm sorry for not listening to this sooner, I suppose. But it's not really my thing. The genre, I mean. Different strokes? I do like it, don't get me wrong. But this isn't what I listen to when I'm alone in my apartment.

and for movies, given my somewhat insane schedule (I am taking Music 405 as well) I can only add

11. Bed and Board (1970): Probably my least favorite Antoine Doinel film. But I haven't seen Love on the Run. That's tomorrow night.

( Classes, for those interested )

One must make an effort, when one receives an invitation. The art of it is seeming not to.

7. La Chinoise (1967) - The new print of this film was absolutely gorgeous.
8. Stolen Kisses (1968)
9. Half Nelson (2006)
10. Notes on a Scandal (2006)

The last few days have been infinitely enjoyable. I'm excited for the semester.